College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
