just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
