Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
