Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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