HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
