Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
