Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just google imaged poop.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
