I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
