I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
