does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
