it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
