Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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