just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
