I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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