I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
