12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
