so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
