We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
