how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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