worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
