So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
