I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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