you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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