I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
