So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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