You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
