Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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