It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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