I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
