What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
