I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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