I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
