what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
