worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
