So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As shirtless as possible
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
