SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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