Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
