How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
