I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
