You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
