i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's blow job season.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
