I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
