i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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