kristin has been a bad kristin
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
pray to the hookup gods
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
