I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
