my sisters under your porch take her home
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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