Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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