Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
