your parents love me but you hate me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
