okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
