Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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