tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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