I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
