Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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