I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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