the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
