Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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