I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
