sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We smell like vodka and hangover
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