Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
