Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
