i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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