What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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