i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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