You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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