Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
